I'll enjoy some of those rare moments in which I'm not drunk enough to say "I wrote that only because I was drunk" and I'm rational enough to have a nice look at my messy life. So, 2011, hun? I can't explain how wrong, mistaken, confusing and delightful was this year.
I've started it oficially as researcher! Revising a book, writing articles, revising articles and finally coming to Japan as... Research student! And now the last thing I want to be is a researcher. I'm pretty sure I'm not disapointed only with myself, but also with Japan. I love living here, but it's quite hard to study here when one is into social sciences. I had taken the challenge to come, but I didn't know that this was going to affect so hard my self-steem. Bad bad Maybi.
I should be fair and say that I met a whole new world! It's very different to see the world from Asia. I have friends who study Taiwan, North Korea and know to read kanji in different ways, while in Brazil people are proud of speaking 2 foreign languages... Really, I know 400 kanji and I can't do almost anything with that!
Meeting amazing people is one of the main features of Japan. Alhtough I listen pretty often the Brazilian saying "they don't know what's 'human heat'", "they don't show their emotions", I'm pretty sure I learnt how to express myself better and about showing my good side here than anywhere else. I have more people here saying "thank you for being here, you're special" and giving me a true a hug or saying "please, don't hate some small things here, because we love you" than anywhere else.
Japan is a whole curious place that intensifies your life, your feelings, your decisions, your perception. I can't remember how many times I hate so much a lot of things only because they're the way they're. I can't remeber why I act somehow... Why I feel like a love a completely improbable person.
I've said goodbye to many of the good friends I've made here... And in some 3 or 4 months many of them are also leaving. And, tell me, where am I going to put that big part of myself that misses everyone? We learn to kinda supress it, but that's not good neither... So what? Well, it's gonna be 2 more years and I don't think about changing my life... Even if I change my profession, the plans I have in mind are not gonna be much different of the current ones: moving out, moving in, moving out...
